Monday Muse – Clark Griswold

Monday Muse – Clark Griswold

We Pretty Gritty Girls are all huge, HUGE, fans of Clark Griswold and all of the National Lampoon Vacation movies.  We throw Clark Griswold quotes around like confetti.  I mean, if Clark can’t get you out of a funk, no one can.  As we roll into the  Christmas season, we wanted to give you a list of our favorite Christmas Vacation Clark Griswold quotes.  We hope it sparks you to put on your bathrobe, pour yourself some eggnog, and watch the movie all over again.  It never gets old.  Oh…and, don’t forget the Tylenol.

  1. Rusty: “Dad, this tree won’t fit in our backyard.”  Clark: “It’s not going in the yard, Russ.  It’s going in the living room.”
  2. “Kiss my ass.  Kiss his ass.  Kiss your ass.  Happy Hannukkah.”
  3. “Yes.  Yes.  It is.  It’s a bit nipply out.  I mean, nippy out.”
  4. Neighbor Todd: “Hey Griswold, where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?”  Clark: “Bend over and I’ll show you.”
  5. “Oh, Eddie.  If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”
  6. “Can I refill your eggnog for you?  Get you something to eat?  Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”
  7. 8.  & 9.  “Where do you think you’re going?  Nobody’s leaving.  Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.  No, no.  We’re all in this together.  This is a full-blown four-alarm holiday emergency here.  We’re gonna press on and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f@#*ing Kaye.  And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

And, last, but certainly not least:

10. “Hallelujah!  Holy Shit!  Where’s the Tylenol?

Because this has been so much fun…some honorable mentions from the rest of the family:

  1. Ellen: ” I don’t know what to say, but, it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.”
  2. Cousin Eddie: “Merry Christmas!  Shitter was full.”  (You didn’t think we would leave that one out, did you!?)
  3. Aunt Bethany: “Is Rusty still in the Navy?”
  4. Uncle Lewis: “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerine plant.”
  5. Margot: “And why is the carpet all wet TODD??”  Todd: “I don’t know MARGO.”

We hope you had some good laughs reading this.  We also hope your tree looks great, is a little full, and has a lotta sap.  And fingers crossed there are no squirrels hiding in there!!




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